So that's where I am. In between my Mother's house and my Mother Inlaw's house. They kicked us out, through our possesions out on the curb.Lied thru their teeth and humiliated us beyond belief. Call "Hope Now" they said. They will help,they said. I was helped right our on the street. We made the mistake, fell behind on our payments. But we were also told it would be ok. We wouldn't have our home taken FHA wouldn't let them They sold our house to their bank and 6 days later sent us a letter saying they wanted to give us a special forbearance plan,They payments were more then we could send. Hope Now told us we would get it lowered. So we waited for an answer. We called several times. We were told the same thing over and over. Still waiting on an answer.Then sent the sherif to toss us out. FHA loan or not.I was told sorry. I asked for time to get help to move as we are both disabled right now. They told us ok,but threw our stuff in the yard.
Life =Hell

I made it to the Doctor on wed. and he said the same thing the ER doctor said. Surgery. Thankfully he told me about a program I might be eligible for that will pay for the surgery. I will know more on Monday after they see if I am eligible. If I am, they will do both my Gallbladder and Hysterectomy at the same time. I'm praying for the out come to be good. It will allow me to return to working. Right now I have more bad days then I have good, and no employer will have that. I just don't know what I will do if they say we don't qualify,.They go based on income, and although it seems like we make a bit, it all goes to mortage and utilities. We are about to loose it all if I can't go back to work...catch 22.

What I get to spend on dollies is monies I make with selling my clothes,or trading dollies/stuff. Even if I sold everything and quit dollies,I wouldn't have enough for surgery. So hubby said enjoy the ones I have,which I do. I love my Lati's and my DZBB Ani is so pretty,but bigger.I do love her and have way too much clothes and shoes to sell her for what she is worth. I can't be bothered selling everything seperate. So I will keep her. I just realized I need a new doll family picture...lol
So much for my family being finished....again MK you were right !! I don't even have those dollies anymore...lol
So now to wait for the answer to my prayers.
Oh well. Tomorrow's another day.

I went to NJ for my Uncle's funeral,and it was mostly good. I was excited to see my brother and his family again ( it's been 2 years). And I got to see my cousins and my Aunt.
My mother created a scene while we were there,which didn't surprize anyone.It was very dramatic for about 3 hours. Once everything quited down,things went smoothly.

So while I was away,my body decided it wanted in on the drama,and I became sick. At first I thought it was just gas from all the yummy food we got to eat. Trying to relieve the gas pains,I tryed everything available. Nothing was working and we were about to fly home. I was in agony on the flights home,hoping not to throw up. I was nauseated and I had terrible pains in my stomache and abdomin and a bit of blood in my stools. That was Wed. into Thrus. By Sat  I felt no relief and finally went to the Emergency room. Turns out I have a Gallstone bigger then a golfball. Along with possible diabetes and a minor GI bleed.

They gave me 2 shots of Morphine and phennergan. I was in lala land the rest of the day. I had a CT scan,a cathiter urine test and a swab was sent up my hiney. I was so high on the meds. I didn't even care.

So now I have to have surgery to remove my gallbladder. I can't wait for the relief. I'm still in pain (on pain meds) and can't eat real food.
I called the surgeon to schedual an appointment. It will be Wed. and the real wowser is I have to come up with $225.00 just for the office visit. I think they will bill me for the surgery,but how we will pay such a fee is beyond me. I just want to feel normal again.

So my Father inlaw pasted away,then my beloved poodle Gidget has died. And  now I get a phone call that my favorite Uncle has gone too. Thats all in the past few weeks. I've lost so many in the past 3 years. Always the ones dearest to me.
 Uncle Mel had suffered from a rare form of stomache cancer. I'm so glad he won't have to suffer any more,but I am also saddened. He was a giant teddy bear. Quick witted and always ready with tons of hugs for everyone. We lived 1200 miles away but still the bonds were very strong.
I'm headed to New Jersey for his funeral. I wish it was to vacation with him. He was to be here in Oct, to vacation with us. Him and my Mom and my Aunt (his wife) were going on a cruise,and then they would be here for a few weeks after.
My poor Aunt Marsha.They were together over 45 years.Closer to 50 years I think. My cousins were here for me, I'm trying to find strength for them. Both of them have always lived near their folks and are very close. I know first hand how much it hurts to lose your dad.

I'm trying to make myself numb to it all.Trying to block out the pain. Trying not to cry. For if I start, I don't know if I can quit. I have to over come my depression. Rise above and not crumble.

So much loss.So much heartache.

I really don't know how much more do I have to go thru? Yesterday morning we had to rush my toy poodle Gidget to the Vet. She woke up and couldn't walk or stand. We immediatley rushed her over to his office which is just over 2 miles away. He took one look at her and wisked her off for tests. He called a few hours later to get permission to do exploritory surgery. Of course I said yes. Then about 2:00 he called back to tell me her uterus had been severly infected.So infected in fact that it was toxic. Her and my male had tied a few weeks before,and we thought she was pregnant. My Vet removed the uterus and as much of the black infection that he could.He didn't know how much had entered her blood. He said all we could do was pray.

I went up there to be near her for a little while, but she was still under the sedation a whole lot. She knew I was there still as she tryed to lift her little head. All five pounds of her was limp. She has an IV and cathiter and a shaved belly with a incision almost as long as she was.
They told me I could call after 8am and check on her.

At 7:55 AM they called to tell me she had passed away.

My Hubby went to get her and together we buried her buy ar giant rose bush in our yard. I pushed the dirt with my bare hands.I'm so broken. She was a child to us.

I miss you Gidget. But I know you have my Daddy to play with.Don't wear his arm off playing ball. He will take good care of you. He loves you too !! He always loved when you came over and jumped at the chance to babysit when we would have to leave you for the night.

You were the best doggie anyone could ever ask for. I've not ever know a smater dog, but I'll always be biased.You passed puppy kindergarten at the head of your class, and loved everyone that would stop to pet your little red head.  We spoiled you in every possible way with no regrets. Harley will be lost without you too.
I love you my little red fuzz ball,my baby girl. I will miss you with evey beat of my heart. You were truly my best friend. Gidgee I know you loved me too, you were always so loyal.Always happy to see me.Always ready to love and cuddle.
I can't believe your gone;

...during Hurricane Gustav, Chelley and her sisters were hanging out with me. We all got inside of my closet.  Thank goodness for walk-in closets and over the door shoe organizers....lol
There was also my 2 poodles but I didn't take their pictures. Hubby was given notice he needed to build me a bigger storm shelter...er....closet

Chelley


Melody Paisley Violet

Well we have all the important papers and pictures in a plastic container by the door. everything movable in the yard is now packed into the garage and I have a suitcase packed for each of us. Important "things".cherished things. And things we just don't want to chance. All line the hallway,ready to be thrown into our Durango. We've done this before.Many times in fact. So prepared we are. Water,canned goods and camping equipment is all in place in case we loose power at any time. Radios and flash lights have brand new batteries and we have it all ready to use.

As the storm stands now, we are staying put. But let it inch a bit to the east, and off we will go. We are far enough west in the state to feel the bands as they come and go,but the brunt should stay more to the west and miss most of Florida and Alabama. But I'm a skeptic and I don't "count my chickens before they hatch." So closely we watch and on out toes we stay.

East and north seem the routes to take for this one. As of right now our plan will be to head to Madison Florida.From there you can go more east,or you can head due north if need be.The trick will be to stay ahead of it,and out of traffic....lol

My dolls are all a tizzy,wondering what the excitement is all about. All I told them is that we may be taking a trip. Imagine their glory when they saw me pack up their clothes and things into the suitcase I have for them. Only to be squashed by me telling them it was not 100% that we would go. So either way I'll have to take them out for the day at the very least once the weather allows.

I have to get the dogs ready now,they are easy. The Tortoise house needs more securing,but we will get more stakes made tomorrow. I think all there is left to do is wait,watch and do a ton of praying!!

Today Chelley heard the doorbell and was on her toes to see if she got any new clothes. Seem she has gotten something new almost everyday since she got here,so now she's expecting more.
So today she agreed to a fashion show.

C:Mommy this one is so cute...don't you think?
M:Yes Chelley,It is adorable

C: Hello Kitty...my favorite.
M: Oh yes that's so cute on you
C:Can I wear this one today,are we going shopping??
M:Yes sweetie you can wear it,but we're not going out today.It's still stormy.

C:What do you mean we're not going out? Not going shopping? But why am I dressed up then?
M:Sorry dear, but the weather is too bad to go out. If you want to save the dress for another day...
C:No,I'll just lay here for awhile.


...A couple of minutes go by and I find Chelley playing quietly in her room.


C: Hey mommy, Can I sit by the window? Just to look outside.
M: Well,ok...if your careful.


M: Chell...please sit down.


C:Ok...Mommy...it really is yucky out today. I hope we can play out tomorrow.
M: Me too sweetie. I hate to see you unhappy.
 

 We lost Pappa. I"ve had to hold it together for my hubby and his family,but I'm screaming inside. When I lost daddy,pappa filled in, and now they are both gone. It hurts so badly and I have to keep it in. I can't loose it again. I've come along way,but I have a long way to go yet. I'm so glad pappa doesn't have to suffer anymore.

Well the Lati White SP Belle that I bought got here today. She is very cute,and really tiny. Way tinier then I pictured. I'm not sure I want to keep her. The only problem is I bought a bunch of clothes that haven't gotten here yet and I doubt I get another one this tiny. I really really wanted a Coco Yellow basic, but settled for  Belle thinking I would be happy...ha ha ha
Is that possible???

Off to list this cutie pie...and try to hold out for the one I really want.

Lesson learned,get the one you want the first time around. Saves time and Money!!

I totally blanked on posting her pictures when she got here. And  MK you were right, I may never be done with my dollie family.
The cutie got here on June 12th.
Here she is~Melody June



      

I love her to pieces!

Today I feel so defeated. I was so close to getting the Lati of my dreams,but I was too slow. I was selling my Lucy to get a Lati, only Lucy didn't sell fast enough to get the Lati. So I asked about a layaway,and before we could come to terms, she sold my baby. Every other Lati I found is a full set or an LE and more then I have to spend. I want one so badly I can taste it. I fell for these little babies  just after the finished the last sale and now I may have to wait months for one...I'll die before I get one prolly...does noone else sell them?

What do you do when life throws you nothing but question marks? My poor Hubby and his family are dealing with just that. My father in law had an anyerisim (SP?) about 4 weeks ago. He has had numerous surgeries to repair the damage,then to put in a trach,a feeding tube and lastly to repair the bleeding ulcer he has had for God only knows how long. We don't know if he will come out of this,and if he does,how will he be.

It is so sad to watch this once strong man lay in a bed unable to walk,talk or blow kisses. He has stood in for my dad now that he is gone. I'm so affraid I will lose him too. But mostly I hurt for my Hubby and his family. I know first hand how hard it is to watch and not be able to do anything.

I love you Pappa,and I pray you get well soon !!!

Well as I suspected, she didn't arrive today. I even made her a new dress just incase. My other girls arrived only after I made them a new dress all there own.So maybe we will get home from the hospital early enough to catch our carrier. I warned her today to be on the look out,she said she would take good care of her if she comes.

I just realized I never introduced Paisley (she is also my avatar)

Here she is,Ms. Paisley Moon~


She loves playing in the garden, and is a natural behind the camera. Paisley has a very chipper attitude, and has a way of making everyone smile.

 I'm hoping like crazy that Lucy makes it here tomorrow. I won't be home when the mail runs on Tuesday,and I hate the idea of her staying in a truck any longer then necessary. I found some really cute dresses for her,I hope to order a couple soon. Lucy is a Notdoll/Roxy  Lucy that will stay Lucy. I have always loved the line "Lucy, you got some slpaining to do" from the movie Fools Rush In. When I told hubby which doll I had picked, he said exactly that,so now she is Lucy. I always look for signs that the name is the right one, so far I've heard the name "Lucy" on TV seven times since deciding. So it's sticking.

 I'm ready for her,everything in order. I have her wig and some shoes, I'm hoping will fit. I have a couple of Bratz doll clothes, and some other things on the way. All I need now is my itty bitty Lucy.

Paisley is excited to have a fellow Britt as the "New Sister". The girls have stopped making fun of her,but it will be nice for her to have that in common.

Cheerful!!

So it's Tuesday evening and my darling little Paisley ( I finally made up my mind on her name) is still not here...sob. But I'm cheerful... : )
I didn't finish anything yet, I need to get busy cuz Thursday Hubby has another Doctor appointment. That can take forever!!  Today again I was sick. Nausea and a bad headache. I know it's prolly sinuses, I don't know. Being cheerful is harder when you don't feel well. 

I ordered a couple of Plastic Canvas pattern books yesterday, I think I will make some things for my dolls. I wish I had a dollhouse for them. It would have to be Barbie sized. And just for the little ones. Poor La La would be lonely. Instead they will get a corner in my craft room,once I get it.
I've decided to dwell on the good things about my youngins growing up....like a spare bedroom...lol  Which will be my "Craft Room"....yippeeeeee  Finally a place of my own. A room where no one can walk in and mess up. A place I can have all of my projects laid out,ready to work on.  Ok, not all my projects, but I won't have to put it away to take it right back out.

Today I am being Cheerful.

 I'm going to make this a positive cheerful week. I'm going into this week with a positive outview. I'm going to complete at least one project that I'm working on. I'm going to let go of the things I can't fix. 

 I'm happy Lacey isn't moving out just yet,althought I know it's going to happen very soon.Sooner then I want or like. That I have to face. I have to remember what it is like to be 18. I was married and preggers at 18. Thank you Lord she is smarter then me. It is extremely hard on me, she is my "golden child". This young lady has so much compassion and such a sweet way about her.She is a charmer with her bright smile and outgoing personality. She is my baby. But she isn't a baby. I cry every time I think of her as growing up. I'm so excited for her but also sad for me. 
She will be my only child to graduate High School. Her sister was close,or so I hoped. But she didn't accomplish it. I asked her to promise me when she moved in with her boyfriend that she would finish high school and graduate. I kept my promise to my Mom,and showed them the importance of a promise, and the importance a diploma is. But Randi has always played to a different drummer. She has been the free spirite I wanted to be.
 I made a mistake and paid for it with my young adulthood. Instead of going to Prom and stuff like that, I was going to Lamaze classes. I became a mother after graduation, instead of college student. I don't regret anything except, I wish I could  mean more to her. 
She wanted to get me mad. She wanted to hurt my feelings. She has said as much to me. I guess she wanted me to hate her,I don't know. But that will never happen. I might not like everything she does. God knows she pushes me to my limits so very often. I sometimes feel she wants to push me over the edge,but that girl saved my life so many times. She was my reason for living, and when I was contemplating my reasons for not living, her life was more important. Her father left us and I was left to hold the bag alone. I was 19. I made a ton of mistakes. I stayed and I took care of my responsibilities. I paid for my mistake...over and over.It hurts now that she picks him over me because he doesn't care about her choices she has made. I didn't cave in and tell her what she wanted to hear. So I live with my choices. If ever there is a day that I don't think of her and my grandson,it will be the day I die. I love them very much, but she holds everything against me. So I do without.It is sad.

But this week I will not be sad. I will keep my chin up. I will accomplish something this week. I need to find a bed for my girls (dolls). I sent Sydney with her pillow,so now I have to find someplace for my new girl to sleep. My PpoPpo should be here this week. I hope tomorrow. I have to get busy and make her a place to sleep. I can't wait for her to get here. I can't wait to hear what she wants to be named.

This is going to be a good week!!

How did this happen, I looked it up on usps.com. It said it would cost $9.00 to ship a dress to Spain. I sold the dress, went to the post office and bamm...shipping was $25.00. I wrote her,explained what had happened. All I asked was for half of the difference. Since I had made the mistake, she would not even think about it. So I sold her a dress for $10.00+9.00 shipping and I paid $25.00 to send it to her. 

This folks is how my life goes. Try to get ahead or atleast make ends meet, and I screw it up big time. If I'm home helping dear hubby and sew  doll clothes I can make a little bit to help with bills and dolly delights. But no.I pay others to buy my stuff.
Now I'm feeling guilty for buying the other doll instead of adding it to my grocery money. It was my anniversary present from my hubby and kids.They all said to trade it for the other doll. Get the one that makes me happiest,they said. So now that I did it, I feel awful because I messed this up. No $16.00 isn't alot,no It wasn't really my fault but yes I screwed it up. I screwed up. And the girl was so mean. I think that hurt the most. All my shippments I undershot,I didn't tell her that. I didn't charge for insurance for the doll I sold, but thought it'd better to have it just in case,so I paid the extra.I don't dare tell her or who knows what will be said. 
Oh well there went the good mood I woke up with. Good thing the day is almost over with...poop!!